Tuesday, January 10, 2012

A Tale of Two Shoes

Sometime between Carrie Bradshaw and Lady GaGa... normal women started wearing really tall heels. Fortunately for me, this transition took place soon after I graduated from college and start wearing heels regularly and also when I started dating a giant, therefore making some sort of platform mandatory for carrying on a conversation.

I've found that when you wear tall shoes you often elicit comments from strangers, which is fine, because no one wears metallic gladiator sandals to fly under the radar. However these comments are usually "how do you walk in those?" or " I could never walk in those." If you've ever felt compelled to say this to someone, this is your public service announcement to stop. Its not at all offensive, its just... what is the appropriate response? "Well I just put one foot in front of the other. .." or "oh, sure you could, lets try!" seem unnecessary. I usually just smile and say "oh, haha . . . they are actually comfortable!" Which is at least half of a lie. I'm not hobbling around in pain but obviously some orthopedic contraption would be a bit more soothing on my feet.

I've posted about the Waleos before, and although I have some other shoes I really love, these are probably the tallest shoes that I wear to work and everyday outings. One day while wearing these royal blue pumps, I headed to the post office on my lunch break. As I left and walked to my car, a woman walking next to me said " wow! those are some crazy shoes!" "Oh, haha!" I responded (of course.) "And they're really tall!" she continued. "Yes! Just the way I like them!" I replied as I proudly stepped off the curb and twisted my ankle. I limped to my car and waited until I had driven at least a mile away to check out the damage. No bruising, just my ego.
Undeterred, I wore my leopard print kicks to work. As I headed into my office, I passed a woman who works in the same building. We exchanged hellos and then she stopped. "Oh my god your shoes!" she squealed. " I just had to say something!" "Oh, haha!" I responded (seriously what is wrong with me?) But she didn't stop there. " Those.are.HILARIOUS!!!" she howled. Really? Hilarious? Now shoes can be funny. Like these.

Or maybe these.

But are my shoes . . . hilarious? Oh well.

Now I totally understand where these women are coming from. I constantly wonder why Carrie Bradshaw must trot around NYC in her Louboutins and can't just walk like a normal person. This is especially bad in the "A Woman's Right to Shoes" episode which I used to think was so totally petty and ridiculous but now I'm all "Preach Carrie!" which just shows how old and unmarried I am. Anyways, after all that nonsense with Tatum O'Neil, Carrie has to put on her new Manolos on and play hop scotch down the street?!

Also, sometimes I am concerned about Beyonce dancing in heels. Even during the single women leotard phase I was amazed that she could lunge and squat in those things- its like a Cirque Du Solei trick.

I mentioned that Amanda Seyfriend wore some killer heels to sprint around with JT during In Time. Good for her, but I couldn't help but think that if I was literally running for my life, I might have taken off my shoes.

In fact, about a month ago I was running a half marathon in Florida. Around mile 9 a blister started to form on my left foot, and I really couldn't take it. I decided my best option was to stop, remove my shoe, adjust my sock and continue on. Well, once I stopped, it was really hard to get started again. My pace dropped, I considered vomiting, and I apparently looked so horrible when I finished that a medic called for a wheelchair. ( I politely declined.) So I probably should have left my shoe on.

I'm not really sure how to wrap up this rambling post except to say, I guess we should let women decide on whatever kind of footwear works best for them. And if you're the one wearing the highest heels (or cushiest sneakers) keep your head high and keep your shoes on. Come to think of it, the only girl who ever benefited from losing a shoe was Cinderella.

And those things were made of glass! Even GaGa doesn't go there.