Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Going In For the Kill

Want to hear a story?

Last week I was inspired by the infamous "Katniss braid" which I'm sure is all over Pinterest, although I wouldn't really know.

I decided to try it out and it was coming along nicely when all of a sudden I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. I recoiled in horror when I realized what it was.

Yes, this disgusting creature was crawling along my bathroom floor. Now, you should know a few things about me. First, I hate creepy crawly bugs. Who doesn't? But I hate killing them even more. Its just so gross and I have to totally psyche myself out to even make an attempt. When I lived with Tia we had an agreement- I killed roaches and she killed spiders. Because this little intruder had way more than 8 legs, I decided it fell into Tia's jurisdiction and I wondered if I could trap it until she came into town. I considered just grabbing my phone and leaving the apartment. I wondered how much I would have to pay to break my lease and just move out?

But then I realized who I was channeling with my hair . . . and I thought WWKD. (What Would Katniss Do, obvi.) She would probably pick up this bug, no prob, gut it with a hook and use it for bait to catch some fish which she would eat raw, then strategically place the clean bones to throw the Careers off her path.

So I knew what I had to do. I slid a few hairpins into my half finished braid and I ran into the other room to grab a weapon. I chose the top to an empty shoebox from my Easter shoes. (see below- aren't they cute?)

And I crept to the corner of my bathroom, prepared to go in for the kill. However, something wasn't quite right. When I kill a bug, I only have about one good smack in me. And my victim was fast. It moved quickly and erratically along the edge of the bathtub. I needed something to stun it so my aim would be spot on.

I dashed to the kitchen cabinet and grabbed a can of Lysol. Not only would I begin to drown this creature but my bathroom would smell like Fresh Linen. I slowly crouched down and took aim. I pressed down as hard as I could as it furiously crawled straight towards me, like a Capitol created, genetically engineered insect. My efforts did little to slow this creature down. It creeped closer and closer to my foot. I started to tremble and that's when I saw something. Imperceptible at first but as I continued my attack, a few of the thousands of legs started to slow down. This was my chance. I raised the box over my head and slammed it down as hard as I could. I instinctively let out a blood curdling scream.

It was over. But I still needed to get rid of the corpse. I grabbed a paper towel to scrape it off the floor when I noticed something moving. What was happening? How was this possible? I peered closer. I had severed two of the legs in the attack. And they were marching away. On their own. NOT ATTACHED TO THE BODY. I shudder just thinking about it! I gritted my teeth and grabbed the entire carcass ( and every single leg) with my paper towel. Into the trash it went. I was safe. For now.

Disclaimer:This post might be slightly over exaggerated.

P.S. Here's how my hair turned out!

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